"Healing shouldn't prevent us from living..."

A part of me has always been very committed to things that spark my interest, especially the ones I’m passionate about. Another part of me can be quite ambitious - Something I picked up as a child when I was rewarded for good grades in school, good performances in ballet classes and good behavior. This is the type of goal-oriented mindset I brought into healing.

 

In the beginning of my personal healing journey I went down a rabbit hole pretty quickly. I thought I’d figure it all out and that there was a final destination within ‘healing’.

 

I was on a quest. I wanted to become the ‘best in healing’, the best in breathwork, the best in meditation and the best in self-reflection.

 

I approached healing modalities like a difficult movement at the gym, like something I could learn by heart, like a skill I could acquire and master to perfection.

 

Everything in my life started to revolve around this topic, including the conversations I had, the books I read, the places I went, the workshops and events I participated in. Hell, even the music I listened to had to be 432 hz. No joke, I even slept with specific music running in the background, ‘for subconscious reprogramming’.

 

All this led me to a place I call a “spiritual burnout”. Apart from the fact that I thought healing had a final destination, I gave myself ZERO integration time to process everything I unraveled. I basically kept shaking a glass full of water and mud, and was wondering why I couldn’t see clearly.

 

To summarize: I forgot to actually live. I had trapped myself in an endless loop of self-improvement. It was not healing at all.

 

Healing is an ongoing (lifelong) integration process between the person you truly are at the core and the person you became to survive. No one is immune to the polarity of this human experience: the only way through is to embrace all parts of it. The light and the shadow. The ecstasy and the agony. The joy and the grief. The bloom and the fall. Life is a moving, breathing thing. Change is our natural state and healing is always happening. Every moment of every day.

 

I want to share some things I remind myself of during those beautiful messy moments we all go through from time to time :

 

1. There is wisdom and beauty in all of our experiences. No matter how challenging. Ask yourself: What is this situation trying to teach me?

2. Remind yourself of your humanness, of the messiness of life and that it’s ok. The journey never ends and you’re in no rush. Take it day by day.

3. Remember that everything is just another layer. Diving into self is like peeling back an onion. This can look like you finally starting to set boundaries with friends and family, only to encounter boundary topics in your business a week later.

4. Stop trying to think your way out of it and instead, feel it all. Sit with it. Feeling anger, frustration or bitterness is not a set back. No matter how much work on yourself you’ve done, these emotions are part of the human experience. Channeling these emotions into movement, a creative outlet or any other form of expression can feel very liberating.

 

May this be a reminder that healing shouldn’t prevent us from living, laughing, singing, connecting and being human.

 

Much love,

Janna