I don’t remember my very first teacher's name, but I do remember sitting on the carpet with my friends and being told the rules that we had to obey. They were very gentle rules of course - this was Nursery not prison - but I clearly remember having my day defined and knowing it was expected that I follow what I was being taught. 

 

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate rules altogether and I believe there is a sense of comfort in having a guide or template for our lives. A little rubber ring of safety for society.  

 

Certainly, when we are very young children, the guidance we get can be invaluable. 

 

However, over the years, if we aren’t careful, the expectations, rules, opinions, and judgements of others can become a cage that we get stuck in.  

 

When there is a worry in your mind, that if you do a certain thing, dress a certain way, or make decisions for you and your life that you’ll receive a terrible reaction, then you start trying to conform and mould yourself into what you think that people need you to be. 

 

Now it’s easy to imagine that this isn’t a big deal and perhaps for a time it isn’t. But as the years tick by and you’ve spent most of it mirroring those around you, masking yourself and desperately people-pleasing, you’re likely to find yourself feeling disconnected from people around you and completely stuck. 

 

It doesn’t have to be this way, though, the personal freedom to be who you want to be, and even to explore who that is right now, is everything, and it’s completely available to you. 

 

Freedom for me is my personal driver and motivation, and I’m addicted to the feeling of being the captain of my own ship. I wake up and I choose what and who I am. I hear and consider opinions and the thoughts of others, but they no longer sit in my mind as a barrier or a reason not to do something (or say something). 

 

Freedom allows you to express yourself, to choose, to see and be, whoever you want to be and to go wherever you want to go. Individual freedom gives us the opportunity to pursue dreams and goals we might have, to be our truest self and the happiest people I know really lean into their personal autonomy. 

 

So, who has the key to this cage we become locked in, when freedom seems far away? 

 

Initially, when we’re young and perhaps people laugh at or judge us for being a certain way, or even shame us for certain aspects of who we are, the cage is created by other people. 

 

But over time the cycle of staying locked up, continues as we become the guard and we stop ourselves from leaving for fear of anyone ever laughing at us or judging us again. 

 

Our brains are wired to see being rejected or pushed out of a group as a threat to survival and so this worry means any concern that something about us might not be accepted can mean fitting in becomes a matter of life and death. None of this is conscious, but it’s bubbling under the surface as we worry: 

 

‘If I take that job, what will they say?’ 

‘If I ask that person out, what if they say no?!’ 

‘If I wear that outfit, what if they laugh?’ 

 

And while we sit in this space of discomfort and fear. The internal desire to do something sat beside the worry that the external world would reject us if we did can be overwhelming and keep us staying still. 

 

But when we stay there for too long it becomes a painful suffocation that slowly strangles away our joy. 

 

The great news is that we have the key, and if you’re reading this and resonating with anything that I have said, then this is your nudge to roll the dice and choose YOU this time and choose personal freedom. 

 

From fearing what they’ll say to freedom every day! 

 

1. START SMALL. Notice what’s holding you back and then choose small actions you can take this week that take you closer towards your most authentic self. Maybe you wear that dress or do an activity that you’ve been talking yourself out of because of fear.  
2. Say no! No is a powerful word and empowering, when activated at the right time. I have a whole chapter in The Happy Me Project (a no-nonsense guide to self-development) about this and I urge you to say no to things you don’t want to do and might otherwise have just gone to in favour of more things you do want. Alongside no, it’s also your right to disagree or dislike things that somebody else loves. Another mini challenge is to be honest about your opinions of something when asked or to actively share your opposing point of view. Now a little caveat here: I’m not asking you to walk yourself into an argument. I’m thinking of a gentler way, such as me sharing with you that I haven’t read Harry Potter, watched a Bond Film and I think shortbread is dry and overrated. The freedom to voice your thoughts is an addictive joy that doesn’t get the credit it deserves.
3. REMIND yourself that when someone is offended by what you say, what you wear and who you are, or when they don’t like you, it’s rarely about you personally. Plus the more you lean into being the truest version of you, the more you will repel the wrong people and begin to attract the right kind for you.
4. PLAY AND CREATIVITY are researched-backed tools to support lowering your stress levels and creating a youthful and energetic spirit. Bring in some play over the next few weeks and let go of the burden to be too serious. Paint, sing, dance and take part in activities that might support a more playful mindset.
5. DO SOMETHING THAT SCARES YOU. Once we realise that we can do hard things, this frees us up exponentially. And when we do lots of things, there is a potential that we will fail in some way and be rejected at times. As painful as these experiences are, when we recognise we can bounce back from challenging moments and that we don’t actually die of failures and rejections; this is a power that can be an unstoppable force towards a freer life!  

  

Freedom comes from choosing the life you want, taking steps to get it, finding a good community to support you and being brave enough to support yourself as you breathe easier and start enjoying a life full of things you love. 

 

You deserve to unlock that cage and choose who you want to be in this chapter in your life. I dare you to start today.  

 

The Happy Me Project Membership is a fabulous community that will support your flight to freedom whenever you are ready.

Holly would love to offer readers one month free! To get the code for this, follow her on Instagram and drop her a message quoting Celebration of Self.